


Respite

by dreigiau



Series: A future worth fighting for [6]
Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Canon Compliant, F/F, First Dates, First Kiss, Fluff, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-10
Updated: 2021-01-10
Packaged: 2021-03-14 17:35:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,809
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28674558
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dreigiau/pseuds/dreigiau
Summary: Spoilers up to 2x120It's the first time that Caleb has been able to conjure the tower since Yasha agreed to a date. Beau has never felt more nervous, but she knows she can't let this opportunity pass.
Relationships: Beauregard Lionett/Yasha
Series: A future worth fighting for [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1988308
Comments: 16
Kudos: 164





	Respite

**Author's Note:**

> Started writing this weeks ago and it turns out that apparently I can't write anything without it accidentally making them say/confess too much (especially for a first date). Oops. 
> 
> I also can't write descriptively these days, so enjoy the use of the same phrases for 9000 words XD

_If we live, let’s go on a date tomorrow night_

_Tomorrow_ had arrived and the words were playing on repeat in Beauregard’s head. 

It was tomorrow and Lucien and the _fucking_ Tomb Takers were in danger of ruining the plans she had made with Yasha.

(The Tomb Takers and Veth. But she could handle Veth)

As they trudged through the snow, two groups reluctantly becoming one, the Nein were uncharacteristically quiet, and Beau knew that her friends were just as uncertain of how to act around Lucien as she was. 

They had screwed up. They should have known the Tomb Takers would catch up with them, they should have pushed through, should have tried to get further from A5 before bedding down for the night.

Each and every one of them was exhausted, tapped and with barely a spell left between them. If this came down to a fight it would be the melee fighters, it would be Beau and Yasha, who would have to protect their weakened friends. 

Maybe Veth too if she could find cover, and Fjord with the Star Razor. 

But she didn’t like their odds.

Beau doubted that even with the entire Nein, at full strength, they’d stand much chance against Lucien. 

The only good thing that had come out of today was that Dagen was gone. Beau could only hope he had gotten himself to safety, she wouldn’t let herself hope that he might be finding backup.

“Hey…” 

The soft whisper of Yasha’s voice dragged Beau out of her thoughts, forcing her to drag her gaze from where she’d been eyeing the purple tiefling as he led the group.

“Hey Yash…” she responded just as softly, glancing up at the taller woman as she came to walk beside Beau. 

The barbarian offered a sad smile, before looking ahead of her as they continued to walk side by side. Another ten minutes passed, the pair walking in silence side by side, before the monk felt Yasha’s gaze on her once more.

“I’m not sure that...tonight…” she began softly and Beau immediately nodded, knowing exactly where Yasha was going with this. It had been on Beau’s mind too. 

“Yeah. Yeah it might not…” she agreed.

She had been ecstatic yesterday. Not even being impaled by that automaton had dampened her mood. She had been so proud of herself for finally speaking to Yasha, and so happy that the other woman had agreed to a date.

Now it didn’t feel like there was any chance they could still do that tonight.

But she wouldn’t let that ruin the happiness she had felt, she _couldn’t_.

Beau bit the inside of her cheek as they continued to trek through the snow, side by side, and her focus had almost returned to Lucien when she felt the softest touch of cold fingers brushing against hers. 

As she glanced down her heart hiccupped. 

Yasha was tentatively reaching for her, and Beau was different now, Beau had grown and she was finally in a place where she could let herself reach back. Their fingers carefully tangled and when she caught Yasha’s eye Beau could have sworn she forgot how to breathe for a moment. 

“There’ll be other nights if…”

“Yeah. Yeah, I know” Beau agreed immediately, relieved that Yasha was making sure to promise they would still get their chance. Yasha smiled gently and squeezed Beau’s hand in hers in response.

“First chance I get I wanna do something special for you…” Beau found herself breathing out, _needing_ Yasha to know that this mattered to her, that she was all in on this - whatever this between the two of them was and could be.

“Good” the reply was a whisper, but it brought a smile to the monk’s face all the same. “I can - I know that it will be worth the wait, Beau”

Beau nodded, a soft smile on her face as her eyes searched Yasha’s.

The barbarian kept a gentle hold of Beau’s hand for a little while longer, walking through the snow side by side, until Lucien spotted something ahead and they reluctantly stepped apart to join the rest of the group.

_Yeah, it’s gonna be worth the wait_ Beau thought to herself as she caught Yasha’s smile just before they came to a stop on either side of Fjord. 

\--

It took a few more days of trekking through the freezing expanse of Eiselcross, but finally their wait was over.

Unbeknownst to the rest of the Nein, Jester had found a way to secretly message Essek and their arrival at Aeor had been met with a delegation of Dynasty soldiers. 

The Tomb Takers had escaped, and that was a worry that they would have to deal with but not right now. Right now they needed to rest, and it was finally safe enough for Caleb to conjure the tower. 

Which meant one thing for Beau. 

It was now or never with Yasha. Because they were still in danger, but they had one evening where they could be safe, could be happy. 

So as the Nein, and Essek (because apparently Caleb wanted to give him a tour, or something - which she would analyse later), made their way inside the familiar comfort of the tower, Beau reached out and gently wrapped her fingers around Yasha’s wrist. 

“Hey uh…” she began nervously, her other hand reaching up to rub her neck. “Did you wanna maybe...uh…”

Fuck. Why couldn’t she get her words out? 

Yasha nodded and Beau let out a breath of relief. 

“Maybe after dinner, or something?” she suggested softly. 

“Yeah, yeah that works” Beau agreed with a soft smile. “My room or -?”

Yasha nodded once more. 

“‘kay, perfect” Beau whispered softly, releasing Yasha’s arm with a gentle smile. 

The smile she received in return made her heart skip. 

\--

Throughout dinner Beau was grateful for the distraction that was Essek and the rest of the Nein excitedly catching up with him. The monk however was busy trying to force down some food despite the nerves that were filling her stomach. 

And when she finally stood to leave the dinner table she quietly whispered to Yasha to give her an hour before disappearing upstairs to her room. She was relieved to see that Caleb had made the change that she had asked for, and was even more relieved that he hadn’t questioned it. (Yet.)

Knowing she had a little bit of time before Yasha came over the monk took the opportunity to sink into the warm water of the bathtub in the hopes of not only cleaning dried blood from her skin but of soothing her muscles. 

Once she had bathed she pulled out her nice clothes from her backpack and stared down at them. She wanted to make an effort, she wanted Yasha to know that she was serious about this, and so surely that meant she ought to dress nice, right?

Fuck, she was no good at this. 

Beau pulled on the well-fitting pants, followed by the soft white shirt. As she buttoned it up she wondered whether Jester or Caduceus had enchanted it in some way because surely it ought to be creased from being stuffed into her bag for months.

She was about to fasten the cobalt blue cravat when she glanced into the mirror and suddenly felt foolish. 

Her entire life she had rejected this. She had never wanted to be fancy, hadn’t cared about dressing smartly, and surely Yasha felt the same. She could remember how uncomfortable the other woman had said she’d been in that dress - even if she had looked amazing. 

“Fuck, this was a stupid fucking idea” she grumbled to herself and threw the blue material back onto her bed, reaching to start unbuttoning the shirt. She would just dress in something normal, something comfortable, she didn’t want to look like she was trying too hard. 

She only made it through three buttons before a knock at the door caused her hands to still and her eyes to widen. 

“Shit…” Beau let out a shaky breath, steadying herself for a moment, before crossing the room to open the door. 

Yasha was standing on the other side, dressed in a casual pair of pants and a simple tunic and quite honestly it knocked the breath out of Beau to see her looking so relaxed.

“Uh, hey…” she finally managed to croak out.

“Hello” Yasha smiled and it made Beauregard’s heart skip. 

“You wanna come in?” she stepped out of the way and watched as Yasha walked into the room, gently closing the door behind her. 

“You look uh -” Beau swallowed nervously, her eyes looking over the taller woman’s frame.

“I know, I -” Yasha sighed and nervously tucked a braid behind her ear. “Sorry I didn’t realise that - I should maybe have worn…” she seemed to be stumbling over her words, and Beau’s brow furrowed as she tried to understand what the other woman was trying to say. “I mean -” Yasha paused, gave herself a moment and focused on Beau, a tiny smile on her face. “You look beautiful, Beau…”

“I uh -” Beau began before a nervous laugh bubbled to the surface and she glanced down at her attire. “Thanks, so do - so do you”

The blush that crept over Yasha’s pale skin just amplified the beauty in Beau’s eyes. 

“I’m sorry I didn’t know what to wear” the barbarian admitted and Beau’s smile grew fonder.

“You look great, Yasha” she insisted gently, trying to will her heart to calm down. “I uh - I was in the middle of getting changed, honestly. I feel stupid in this…” she admitted with a shrug.

“You’ve always looked good in that outfit…” Yasha whispered before averting her eyes and gently admitting, “I’ve never...I’ve never been on a date before so...”

“Oh”

“I’ve only ever been with Zuala and we couldn’t -”

“Fuck. Right, yeah - shit. Sorry, I should totally have thought about that! Fuck, I’m sorry Yasha…”

“What are you sorry for?” Yasha asked, folding her arms across her chest and looking at Beau with something akin to amusement on her face.

“For you know…”

Yasha surprised her by simply raising an eyebrow and letting the ghost of a smirk form on her lips. Beau just stared, unable to believe that this woman could be at all interested in _her_.

After a moment of silence Yasha stepped closer.

“I like it, I like this” she whispered, gesturing between the two of them. “I just - I guess I’m saying that I have nothing to compare it to, so stop worrying Beau, I’m sure it’s going to be perfect -” she insisted softly.

“You’re perfect”

The words were out of her mouth before she could stop herself and the tension in the air thickened as they both stared at one another wordlessly.

“Shit, sorry. It’s just - you make me so fucking nervous…” Beau nervously rubbed her shoulder. 

She had always prided herself on generally keeping her cool around women, but with Yasha that calm and collected persona apparently went out the window.

“I think -” Yasha began, shifting ever so slightly closer. “I think that in this situation that is a good thing…” 

There was a teasing hint to her tone, and this was a different side of Yasha. A side that Beau had been so desperate to unlock, a Yasha brimming with confidence and with a smile. Now if only she could find a little bit of her own confidence, perhaps remember how to act around a pretty girl. 

But it was no use. 

Beau was so desperate to do this right. She had been attracted to Yasha from the moment they met, but there had always been something more to it. Something that she had finally allowed to bubble to the surface, and now she had to do everything to make sure she didn’t screw this up.

“Heh, yeah” Beau muttered softly, nodding her head and nervously glancing away as she released her grip on her own arm. “Yeah, I think it does” she agreed quietly.

Yasha smiled gently and Beau took a moment to try and focus herself before looking back up at the taller woman. “Do you wanna uh -” she gestured further into the room and Yasha nodded. 

Beau bit her lip and led Yasha away from the door and into what should have been the living room area of her quarters in Caleb’s Tower. But instead of the soft carpet and the comfortable couch and fireplace there was sand on the floor, the walls projecting a vision of the ocean, the waves rolling softly beneath the dim moonlight.

She sucked in a breath and waited, nervously, to see how Yasha would respond.

It took a few moments but finally that lightly accented voice whispered her name. “Beau…”

The human paused, swallowed nervously and turned to look at Yasha carefully. 

“I uh - I asked Caleb if he could make this change for me tonight…” she admitted softly, still afraid that it was too much, that it was unnecessary, that Yasha might find it weird. 

Yasha’s eyes were a little wide as she scanned the room, the room that looked much like the familiar beach in Nicodranas. 

“I think it uh - I think it’s my favourite place, you know? It’s really peaceful and beautiful. I can think straight when I’m there. And I know that - I mean, I saw you on the beach that one time, playing your harp, and I think it’s the most relaxed and happy I’d ever seen you” Beau began to explain. “So I guess I just thought that maybe - I don’t know, it’s probably stupid” she frowned and began to doubt herself, hand reaching up to rub her neck. “I wanted you to feel at ease tonight” she whispered. “I thought maybe the beach would help us both with that…'' she knew she was rambling, but she quite possibly had never been this nervous in her life. 

“It’s not stupid, Beau…” Yasha whispered, mismatched eyes finally shifting to lock onto the monk. “It’s beautiful. It’s perfect” she smiled gently. “It’s - thank you, Beau”

“Yeah it’s, it’s no problem really” she shrugged, skin flushing. “I mean, it’s Caleb you should thank, not -”

“It wasn’t Caleb who thought of it,” Yasha interrupted. 

“It’s nothing” Beau quickly deflected, embarrassed. 

“It’s really not, Beau. But okay...” Yasha’s voice was much closer than it had been a moment ago and before Beau could really think about what that meant she felt the barbarian gently squeeze her hand before walking past her. 

Beau hesitated as she watched the other woman sit down on the sand, taking a moment to just appreciate how laid back and relaxed Yasha looked tonight - it was beautiful to watch. 

Why had she never really seen her this relaxed before?

“You were right” Yasha whispered after a moment, tearing her eyes from the image of the ocean to look at Beau. “It is peaceful by the ocean” she agreed. “That night - just alone playing the harp -“ she let out a soft sigh. “I really needed it you know?” 

Beau nodded.

“After everything that had happened”

Beau smiled sadly and slowly made her way across the sand, dropping down onto it once she was close to Yasha. 

“You went through a lot”

Yasha nodded, a sad smile on her face. 

“But being with you - with _all_ of you, it’s helped a lot”

“Wasn’t the same without you with us” Beau shrugged as she brought her knees up to her chest, arms wrapping around them. 

Yasha laughed gently and shook her head. “I know you’re just saying that, but th -“

“‘M not just saying it” Beau argued, her chin falling to rest on the top of her knees. 

She could feel Yasha’s gaze on her even as she stared ahead at the ocean view. 

“I did not know if I would ever see you again” Yasha admitted gently, her voice only just audible over the roll of the waves. 

Beau swallowed back a lump in her throat and turned her head enough that she could look at the woman beside her. 

Yasha’s long legs were stretched out in front of her, her hands supporting her weight in the sand behind her, and Beau was glad to see that despite the heavy topic of conversation she still looked relatively relaxed. 

“I never imagined that any of you would come after me”

“Yash -”

The barbarian shook her head, and continued. “You had no reason to trust me, and the first time you faced Obann, and the Hand, you almost died” she whispered, eyes squeezing shut at the memory of Fjord’s beaten and limp body being practically dragged to safety by Beau. 

“You’re one of us” the monk replied simply. “A group of misfits and weirdos” she shrugged. “A group that were quickly becoming a family”

“The only family I’d ever known was cruelly ripped away from me, I thought it was happening again”

Beau nodded at Yasha’s words, her heart aching at the knowledge of Zuala and how she had been taken from Yasha. 

“Then you know some of how it felt for us to walk out of the King’s Cage without you…” Beau whispered. “Everyone was heartbroken, Yasha. Jester couldn’t stop crying, and I - fuck, I tried to act like it didn’t affect me” she found herself admitting, wanting to be honest. “I guess I was just trying to protect myself, it was easier to let myself believe you’d betrayed us, that you _wanted_ to go back to Obann. That way it might hurt less if that turned out to be the truth” she explained, forehead pressing against her knees as she let the memories wash over her. 

“Truth is - I barely slept” her words came out shakily, “I cared about you, and I hadn’t been able to protect you. And I - fuck, it felt so stupid then, but I’d started to open myself up to the possibility of you…” she swallowed hard. “And then you were gone” she lifted her head and looked up at Yasha, surprised to see the other woman staring at her. “It sounds so stupid but I used to -” Beau laughed humourlessly. “I used to listen out for thunder before I went to sleep, hoping that he was out there, you know? That somehow he could help you and bring you home to us” 

Yasha was quiet and Beau began to worry she had said too much but the truth was she _wanted_ to say all of this, it was long overdue. For too long she had found herself unable to say things that actually mattered in front of Yasha, and she finally felt strong enough to change that. 

“I did the same,” Yasha finally admitted. “Every night when we made camp I would lie awake hoping to hear even the faintest rumble of thunder” she smiled sadly. “I think I may have been foolish to think he could save me again” she whispered, eyes finding Beau’s. “The Mighty Nein were my only hope weren’t they?”

Beau laughed softly. “I didn’t think we had a chance,” she admitted with a shrug. “Just knew we had to try. And I suppose it was lucky we managed to find the permaheart - not sure we would have been able to defeat the Hand otherwise…”

“Veth told me that it was you who found the heart…”

Beau looked up at Yasha, her brow furrowing for a moment before she gently shook her head. “No, of course not. It was a group effort, you know?”

“But you were the one who realised where it was…”

Beau smiled sheepishly and ducked her head. “Really it could have been any of us, just lucky that we connected the dots I suppose”

“Why do you do that?” Yasha asked after a few moments of silence, broken only by the artificial sounds of the ocean. 

“Do what?”

“Deflect attention from yourself? Let others take credit for the things you do?”

“I don’t. I -” Beau sighed and glanced up at Yasha. “It _was_ a team effort”

“You’re so smart, Beau” she whispered and it made the monk’s heart flutter to hear those words from this woman. Words that had always been denied in the past. Words that had always been meant for someone, anyone, but her. Because Beau using her brain, trying to be smart - well, it had always been seen as insolence by her Father, her teachers. “Sometimes I think you might be smarter than Caleb” Yasha continued with a chuckle and a soft laugh escaped Beau too. 

“Don’t let him hear you say that” she grinned. 

Yasha’s smile in return was just as bright and it was beautiful to see. 

“This is some pretty heavy uhm conversation for a first date…” Beau laughed nervously after a few more moments, daring to glance at the woman beside her. 

“Sorry…” Yasha offered. “I suppose it just feels like there’s so much we maybe should have talked about and just never had the chance to...” she explained and Beau found herself nodding. 

“Yeah, you’re right about that” she whispered. “But uh - I think maybe I might need some liquid courage if we’re going to continue down that path”

“I think you might be the bravest person that I know so it’s a little worrying if you need liquid courage” she joked as she watched Beauregard get to her feet and grab a bottle of wine and a couple of glasses. 

“I’m not -” she sighed and crossed back over to Yasha, sitting back down beside her. “I’m not really all that brave,” she insisted, as if she were letting her in on a secret.

“That’s not true” Yasha’s words were said so simply, as if they could be really what she meant. 

“I feel like I used to be brave,” she shrugged. “Then I met you guys and somewhere along the way I started caring about my own mortality, you know?”

Yasha smiled sadly. “Good, I do not want you to die”

“Yeah, uh - that’s a relatable sentiment” Beau laughed softly, a little awkwardly, and focused her attention on uncorking the bottle of wine and pouring it.

After a moment she passed a glass over to Yasha, trying to ignore how good it felt as their fingers grazed one anothers. 

“Your family’s wine?” Yasha asked as she took a sip.

Beau nodded, “My Dad might be an asshole but he does know how to make a decent wine” she shrugged. 

“You’re right,” Yasha agreed before taking another sip. “He _is_ an asshole”

Beau laughed at that, _really_ laughed, and took a sip of her own drink. 

“You uh - you said something to him...before we left the house in Kamordah”

“I did,” Yasha nodded. 

“You gonna tell me what?”

“You didn’t ask”

Beau rolled her eyes and nudged the barbarian gently. 

Yasha focused on her drink for a few moments more before she lifted her eyes to meet the monk’s. 

“I just told him how incredible his daughter is, and that he ought to acknowledge that the next time he speaks to you” 

Yasha’s words were said as if it were so simple, as if it didn’t make Beau’s heart race to know that someone was willing to defend her to her Father. 

“You have no idea how incredibly hot that is” Beau raised her eyebrows, a small smirk pulling at the corner of her lips.

“Me talking to your Father?” Yasha raised an eyebrow. 

“Just - someone willing to…” Beau hesitated and shook her head. “Nevermind”

“No I want to know…”

“You’re just hot okay?” Beau deflected. “Really fucking hot”

Yasha laughed softly. 

“You’re avoiding the question but thank you…”

“Yeah, anytime” Beau quickly lifted her glass and took a long gulp of the wine. 

Yasha watched with an amused smile before taking another sip of hers. “So is this the wine that you were selling on the black market?” she asked teasingly. 

Beau laughed softly and nodded. “Yeah, one of ‘em” she agreed. “This one was actually Tori’s favourite, so we kinda drank more of this than we sold” she shrugged amusedly.

“Do you still think about her?” 

Yasha’s question caught Beau off guard and she stared blankly at the other woman for a few moments as her brain caught up.

“Tori?” she asked simply, before shaking her head. “No, not really. Not anymore at least” she shrugged. “She probably hates me…”

“I’m sure she doesn’t” 

Yasha’s response was so matter of fact that Beau couldn’t bring it on herself to argue it, and so instead she decided to just be honest about her own feelings for once.

“Yeah well, maybe I hate her a little bit?”

“You don’t want to - to get back with her or anything?” the barbarian asked, a tiny smile on the corner of her lips as she lifted the glass and took another sip.

“No” Beau answered quickly, perhaps too quickly. “No definitely not. I’ve moved on from that” she insisted and swallowed thickly. “A lot”

“What about Tony?”

This time Beauregard couldn’t help but laugh.

“Are you trying to figure out if you’ve got competition?” she asked with a raised eyebrow, a small smirk forming on the corner of her lips as Yasha’s joking started to help her relax despite her nerves.

Yasha let out a soft laugh and shrugged, “Perhaps…” she smirked and sipped her wine.

“Heh well, I mean, not from either of them, no…” Beau shrugged, her skin beginning to flush even as she tried to act cool.

“Okay” Yasha nodded, and whilst there was still a faint hint of a smile on her face there was a very slight bit of doubt beginning to creep into her eyes. “...so someone else then?” she asked carefully, eyes searching Beau’s.

The monk smiled gently and ducked her head, hoping to hide her blush.

“There was uh -” she began but then hesitated.

Yasha waited patiently for her to continue.

It took Beau a few moments to try to collect her thoughts and put her words into an order that might at least make a semblance of sense, but once she did she took a deep breath and looked up at Yasha.

“I want to tell you about something that happened when you were away…” she began.

“Okay…” Yasha nodded and sat up a little straighter, a little uncertain of where this was going.

“And I sort of already know that you’re gonna say I’m being stupid for thinking this way, for worrying about this, but it just - it’s probably stupid but it’s been eating away at me and I just feel like it’s something I want to be honest and tell you about…” Beau began to ramble, her fists clenched by her sides and knuckles beginning to turn white.

“I would never call you stupid. But okay…”

“Fuck. Okay” Beau let out a deep breath, ran a hand over her face and then looked up at Yasha. “So you know how I said I thought about you often when you were away?”

Yasha nodded but remained silent.

“Well I uh - there were times where I guess I tried to think about something else. I sort of tried to convince myself that you’d turned bad, or were always bad, or whatever” she paused as she began to ramble, took a moment to collect her thoughts. “I guess it was easier that way, you know? If I convinced myself you never cared about us, that you probably wouldn’t even want to come back to us then maybe it would be easier to get over you” she shrugged.

There was another pause as Beau took a sip of her drink.

“And then we met this girl. Reani, she was called. We might have told you about her, I don’t know…”

“I think Jester has mentioned her, yeah” Yasha nodded.

“Well, long story short, I kinda slept with her”

Beau paused, expecting there to be an awkward tension to the air but Yasha simply responded with an “Okay” and Beau released the breath she hadn’t realised she’d been holding. 

“And I’ve felt fucking guilty about it ever since” she whispered, eyes fixed on the sand beneath her, her fists still clenched nervously. 

“What do you mean you’ve felt guilty?” Yasha asked, genuinely confused. 

“I guess somewhere along the way a part of me kinda realised that I was uh...falling for you” she admitted sheepishly, refusing to look at Yasha, scared to see how she might react to that. “And even though I’d been trying to forget about you I couldn’t” she shrugged and took another sip of wine. “It felt like I’d betrayed you” she admitted quietly.

“Beau…”

The monk shook her head, wanting to continue. 

“Or at least I’d betrayed my feelings for you. And I know that you’re going to tell me that it doesn’t matter, but I just - it’s been on my mind and I just felt like I needed to tell you because it’s a pretty big fucking deal to me that you’re the only woman I want to be with...” her voice lowered as she reached the end of her sentence, desperately avoiding looking at Yasha. It felt like _a lot_ to openly admit that she did in fact want to _be with_ this woman. This wasn’t just some stupid crush. 

_Something of more sustenance, that’s less...fleeting?_

Yasha bit her lip and carefully watched Beauregard in silence for a few moments. 

“You don’t have to feel guilty about any of that, Beau…” she whispered.

“Yeah I know. I know we’re not together or anything, I just - it didn’t feel right, you know? It was stupid to try and forget you” she shrugged, voice becoming more animated with the frustration that had built up inside her. “You were my friend, and all of us wanted to bring you back to us. I just don’t think I’d realised how much I _needed_ you back. That I wanted to be more than your friend...” she whispered and looked up, eyes searching Yasha’s.

The barbarian smiled softly and reached out to refill Beau’s glass. 

“So I can cross Reani off of my list of possible competition?” she asked teasingly. 

Beau laughed softly. 

“I mean she’s pretty cool and kind, and she did call me beautiful so…” 

Yasha smiled, her eyes lifting to meet Beau’s. The monk let out a soft breath and smiled. For a moment the only sound in the room was the simulated wave sounds, and the pouring of wine as Yasha refilled her own glass. 

“Do you remember when you caught up with us? When Obann got what he needed from the Wraithroot tree?”

“Of course”

“Just seeing you, all of you, that day, gave me the hope I needed to survive through the next days...weeks, however long it was” Yasha whispered. “You have no idea how much it meant to see you again, to know that you _did_ care, and that maybe I wasn’t alone”

Beau smiled sadly and reached out to squeeze Yasha’s hand.

“We weren’t giving you up so easily, Yash” she insisted, letting her mind linger to how nice it felt to just feel Yasha’s skin beneath hers. “I uh - I never answered your question…” she realised after a moment, letting go of Yasha’s hand. 

Yasha stayed quiet, let Beau continue.

Beauregard took a moment to think over what she wanted to say. She knew it was a question Yasha hadn’t needed her to answer, but she wanted to. She wanted there to be no doubt about her intentions. 

“You don’t have any competition from Reani” she finally promised, “She’s not you” she added softly, her eyes quickly darting away from Yasha’s and to the glass, her skin flushing somewhat. “It happened because in a moment of weakness there was a chance to not feel alone, at least for one night” she explained, voice breaking slightly at the realisation of how honest she was being, of how she was willing to bear her soul to Yasha and admit to the loneliness that consumed her at times. The monk took a moment to consider her next words, tongue running over her teeth as a distraction from the desire to run from this honesty. She took a breath and continued. “But the next day I dunno - I guess I realised that I wasn’t _just_ looking for someone to take away some of that loneliness, you know? It was specifically you - only you - that could take away the loneliness…” she shrugged and lifted the glass, her honesty scaring her.. “And besides, Reani’s kind of in love with someone else too so…” she shrugged once again and took a long swig of the wine.

There was a moment of hesitation before Beau realised what she had said, or rather what she might have insinuated and quickly continued talking.

“I know it’s really stupid. And that there was nothing between us, I mean there still isn’t, but I just -”

“You don’t think there’s anything between us?”

“I uh…”

“Beau, I feel like there’s been something between us since the moment I first laid my eyes on you in the Nestled Nook…” Yasha’s voice was soft, but there was an ever so slight waver to it that betrayed her nerves as she set down her glass and shifted so that she was facing the monk.

“Really?” Beau’s heart was beginning to pound in her chest.

“Don’t you?”

“I mean…”

“I wasn’t in the right place to be able to do anything about it then but...I don’t want you to think I didn’t feel it Beau...I’ve always felt it” the raw emotion breaking through Yasha’s words was enough to tell Beau that this was getting very real, and she didn’t know how to deal with that. “...and it’s terrifying and exciting and it makes me feel so happy to know that we’re both finally in that same place…”

Ever since the two had met Yasha’s words had been chosen so very carefully. Beau hadn’t ever known Yasha to just say things without meaning them, without the assumption that the other woman had gone over them hundreds of times in her head before letting them out. 

And that knowledge, with _those_ words, made Beau’s heart skip a beat or two, her throat going dry as she just stared, willing herself to find the right words.

And despite everything she couldn’t just let herself believe these words were really meant for her, she was too afraid to get her hopes up, because with Yasha the stakes were too high. The stakes were her heart, and that was terrifying. 

It was a bet she had never been willing to make before.

Until that very same morning in the Nestled Nook Inn. The day her life had changed forever, in so many ways.

“Just uh -” she cleared her throat, took a breath and continued, “Just so we’re both definitely on the same page here...you’ve always felt what?” she let out a soft chuckle, but it was nerves, not humour. She hated herself for having to ask that, but Beauregard Lionett was so used to having the rug pulled out from under her. Her happiness had never lasted, not until the Nein, and she couldn’t bring herself to believe that would last either. 

Yasha smiled softly and reached out, her fingers tentatively brushing over Beau’s and when the monk flexed hers Yasha took it as approval to tangle them together. 

It felt right, Beau realised as she looked down at their joined hands. Everything had always felt right with Yasha. 

“This - this spark, this connection between us…” Yasha whispered, gesturing carefully with her free hand between the two of them. 

Beau bit her lip and glanced down, her face beginning to flush. 

Yasha swallowed nervously, beginning to wonder if she had said the wrong thing. 

“You uh -” Beau took a breath to steady herself and looked up to meet Yasha’s eyes. “You _really_ feel it too?” she asked disbelief creeping into her words. 

Yasha nodded. 

“Finding someone who makes you feel like this is so rare…” she whispered, gently squeezing Beau’s hand. “Jester made me realise that” she admitted when Beau didn’t say anything. “And I couldn’t let myself ignore it any longer”

Beau smiled softly, her eyes carefully searching Yasha’s. 

“I’m glad,” she admitted quietly. “I was uh - well, you know I’ve been into you since we met, but when I found out about Zuala I backed off” she explained and Yasha nodded, Yasha knew. “And then - I don’t know. When we got you back I realised I couldn’t hide it anymore, even if you’d never feel the same it just felt stupid, and as though I were hiding a piece of myself if I tried to make myself believe I didn’t feel anything for you”

She squeezed Yasha’s hand to help herself through her admission. Yasha squeezed back. 

“I’ve wanted to make a move for so long” she admitted, forcing herself to meet those stunning mismatched eyes. “I just - I guess I was scared. And not just because I was scared you wouldn’t feel the same, but because I’ve never done this before” she shrugged. “I don’t - I don’t do feelings. I’ve never really known how to, so I’ve never tried to, but you…” she sighed and shook her head before continuing. “I don’t know if you’ll ever feel this way about me, or if maybe it’s not quite as much to you, but I can’t keep hiding what I feel for you…”

She could feel Yasha’s eyes on her but she was too nervous to look at her. 

Until she spoke.

“Beau...I want you to know that Zuala made me feel this way too…”

Beau’s breath caught in her throat and she lifted her head to stare at the woman beside her. 

“I know that you’ve never been made to feel _enough_ so I just wanted you to know that you are. To me” she continued.

Beau swallowed thickly. She could feel her skin beginning to flush at Yasha’s words and it was hard to keep her eyes on Yasha, but she pushed past the fear and kept her gaze. 

“In my tribe marriage is for life, not even death can break the vow. And I’ve always held that belief, it’s still sacred to me…” Yasha explained softly, the hand that wasn’t in Beau’s was nervously playing with the sand on the ground. “I will always love Zuala…” she whispered gently, nervously. 

“I know that, Yasha. I’m not trying to - I would never want to replace h -”

Yasha nodded.

“I suppose what I’m trying to say is that I wouldn’t pursue something with anyone who didn’t make me feel this way. I want you to understand that. I want you to understand that I am hoping that this can become something real…I want with you what I was lucky enough to have with her. This isn’t - it’s not just some crush, Beau...” It felt important that she make that clear. 

She had promised herself to Zuala for the rest of her life. And she had wrestled with herself for so many months now, trying to push away the feelings that the young monk caused to stir to life inside her heart. 

But in the end she had not been strong enough to resist, and there was a part of her (a part that sounded a lot like Zuala) that told Yasha that there was strength in being able to overcome the grief and to allow herself another chance at happiness. 

Beau remained quiet at Yasha’s words, her brain working fast, trying to process everything that Yasha had just said, trying to will herself to believe it. 

And the longer the silence stretched the more Yasha began to worry she had said too much, she had come on too strong. Maybe for Beau this meant less? 

“ _No one_ has ever made me feel this way” Beau eventually admitted, her voice quiet, trepidatious. 

Yasha’s heart ached for the young woman who had never truly been appreciated, she wanted so desperately to be able to put an end to that. 

“Then I am glad at least that I can change that” she whispered in response, edging slightly closer to Beauregard. “Because if what you feel is anything like what I feel - you deserve to feel this way. You deserve to know that you mean this much to someone”

“I hate that it’s taken us so long to get here…”

Yasha smiled sadly, lifted their joined hands and pressed a gentle kiss to Beau’s. 

“I know, but it had to,” she whispered honestly. “Neither of us were in the right place to be what the other needed until now”

“True”

“I have a feeling it’s going to be worth the wait…”

“I know it will” the barbarian’s smile was bright and as she lowered their hands she didn’t let them fall back to the sand between them but instead cradled them in her lap.

“Will you tell me more about her? Zuala?” Beau asked bravely, her eyes carefully studying the way Yasha held her hand, as if it were something precious. As if it were important.

Yasha nodded at the request, a sad smile crossing her face. “Yes, but not tonight - tonight is about me and you. We’ve already waited so long to get this far. Is that okay?”

Beau smiled softly and nodded, “Yeah, yeah that’s more than okay” she replied gently, unable to believe that someone would genuinely want to focus so much of their attention on _her_.

“Good” Yasha smiled and released Beau’s hand, sitting back a little before nodding towards a second wine bottle. “Are you going to open that or do I ne -”

“Fuck, yeah...sorry…” Beau quickly straightened up and grabbed the bottle, pulling the cork. 

“I like this by the way” she admitted softly as she began to pour the wine. 

“What? The wine?”

“No the uh -” she gestured towards Yasha. “You. You seem different tonight, more confident...it’s nice”

“Oh” Yasha laughed softly and glanced away. “I suppose finally knowing that you feel the same helps with that”

“Yeah?” Beau smiled and passed Yasha a glass, their fingers lingering against one another’s. “Fuck, I wish that worked for me too…you still make me so fucking nervous” 

Yasha bit her lip and smiled gently before lifting the glass and taking a sip. 

“By the way. I am not sure if I said it before but -“ Yasha’s eyes carefully looked over Beau for a moment. “You look really uh...you look good, Beau” she finally settled on. “I like you in this shirt…” she nodded towards the other woman. 

“Oh uh...thanks?”

“Not that - I mean, you look great in whatever you wear, I just -” Yasha began to ramble, losing some of her confidence and it was so endearing to Beau to watch. 

“You look great too…”

Yasha glanced down at her own appearance before shaking her head. “I feel like I probably should have made more of an effort, I don’t really know a lot about dates and I didn’t know what to -”

“No, no, it’s fine. Don’t -” Beau shook her head. “I uh - I was about to get changed when you arrived. I felt like I ought to dress up nice but then I figured it would be better to just be comfortable, but I didn’t get a chance to change…”

“Oh” Yasha frowned. “I’m sorry, you should have said. You could have changed, you still can…”

“No it’s fine” Beau smiled softly. “Turns out you make me feel pretty comfortable anyway…”

“I thought I made you nervous?”

“Well yeah, that too but I don’t think comfier clothes would change that” she laughed gently. 

Yasha hummed softly and sipped her drink. “I think the wine helps with the nerves…”

“Heh, it hasn’t so far” she admitted gently, eyes lifting to take in the sight of the waves being projected onto the walls. 

“I’ve seen you around so many women, Beau” the barbarian teased, her shoulder gently bumping into Beau’s. “You’ve never been nervous”

“Stakes were never this high” she shrugged, arms wrapping once more around her knees.

“Why are the stakes so high?”

“Because I -'' she paused, throat running dry as she tried to find the right words. “With you - and I just…” she was aware she was making no sense but she didn’t know how to stop it. “Fuck, Yasha” she sighed heavily, lifted her head to meet those stunning irises of deep purple and calming teal. “I spent nearly two weeks working up the courage to ask you on a date and now I’ve no fucking clue how to act” she laughed humourlessly. 

“Like this” Yasha shrugged.

“What?”

“I told you, Beau. I’ve never been on a date. I don’t care how you act. It is more than enough just being able to spend time alone with you” she admitted gently.

“It’s been a while, huh?”

“It’s been a minute, yeah” Yasha nodded. “And there’s - it feels a little more special when it’s not just because someone needs to keep watch, you know?”

Beau nodded. “I like taking watch with you though”

“Yeah, me too” the barbarian quickly clarified. “It’s just - I like not taking watch with you too. I like - what this is” she gestured between them once more. “Finally having the chance to properly talk to you, the opportunity to get to know you better”

“I’m not sure there’s much worth knowing” the monk shrugged. 

“I want to know everything”

Beau raised an eyebrow, confused by Yasha’s words and lay back in the sand.

“Beau...will you tell me more about you?” The taller woman requested carefully. 

“Like what?” Beau asked as she lay back in the sand, staring up at the beautiful starry sky that Caleb had seemingly conjured above them. 

“What you were like when you were younger?”

“Oh uh wow...I was a complete asshole” she laughed, flashing a toothy grin as she glanced sideways at Yasha. 

“I was meaning before I knew you…”, she teased in response and Beau rolled her eyes and nudged her gently with her boot.

“What did you like to do?” The barbarian pried.

Beau laughs softly, “Fuck. Get drunk and fuck” she replied simply. “I was a rebellious teen, sleeping with a woman that my Dad would absolutely despise was how I got my kicks”

“Tori?”

“Yeah” she nodded. 

“Do you ever think of anything other than sex?” Yasha asked through a laugh, amusement dancing in her eyes.

“I mean - sure. Now…” Beau shrugged and laughed gently as she looked back up at the stars above. “But when I was like eighteen, nineteen it was - well, you’ve been to Kamordah, there’s not a lot else to do there” she insisted with a grin. 

“Beau, I refuse to believe that stopped when you hit your twenties” the taller woman rolled her eyes and as Beau glanced over at her it hit home just how much had changed. For both of them. Yasha looked so relaxed right now, so happy. And Beau - she was taking her time to find happiness for herself. With this woman. With the Nein.

“I mean - no, you’re right. It _didn’t_ stop” she shrugged. “It just - I guess I’ve managed to redirect that energy elsewhere”

“Something they teach you at the Cobalt Soul?” Yasha teased. 

“Something you taught me” Beau replied simply, hesitantly lifting her gaze to meet Yasha’s and finding her breath caught in her throat at the look of adoration reflected in those mismatched irises.

“Me?” Beau nodded. “I don’t - I am not sure I understand…”

“I guess what I’m saying is I definitely still think about all that physical stuff, you know?” Beau shrugged, swallowed nervously. “But falling - having this uh…” she couldn’t find the right words and fumbled for a moment. “Being into you made me realise that physical intimacy isn’t enough anymore” she muttered, biting her lip gently and staring back up at the sky. “I want all of it, you know? All that crap from Jester’s romance novels. The part where just seeing that person, _your_ person, makes your heart stutter. And just being around them is a thousands times better than taking some stranger to your bed” 

“You want to fall in love” Yasha said simply, as if with experience. Well, she _did_ have experience, she knew exactly what all that crap felt like. She also knew how terrible it felt to lose it. But here she was, willing to try it again. And that meant so much.

Beau bit her lip a little too hard, the tangy taste of iron a welcome distraction as she thought over Yasha’s words for a moment.

“I don’t - I kinda feel like it’s past the part where I get to ask myself whether I _want_ to” she shrugged. “But more like - deciding whether to fight it or not, you know?” 

“You’re a good fighter. One of the best I’ve -“

“Yeah but I don’t always _want_ to fight, so -“

“And this time?”

Beau sighed and sat up to properly face Yasha. She knew that she was stepping dangerously close to a line that shouldn’t be crossed. Not on a first date. Not even if some lunatic was running around in the body of your dead friend with the intent of ending the world at any moment.

“Fuck, Yash. I don’t know. None of this makes any sense to me” she explained frustratedly. “All I know is that don’t wanna fight the things you make me feel anymore. I wanna be yours, if you want to you know...try that?”

The barbarian’s eyes searched Beauregard’s for a moment as if she were thinking over the proposal. And Beau wished she would quickly end her misery because her heart was beating out of her chest, it was too much to handle. 

“You know how we said that if one of us wasn’t really into the date then it was no -”

“Oh. Right, yeah. No it’s - it’s no problem. Don’t worry about it” Beau immediately stood at those words and busied herself brushing sand off of her pants before starting to clear away the empty wine bottle. “I get it, really, we knew this might happen so…”

Fuck. She was such an idiot. She had been trying not to take things too far. She wanted Yasha to know that she meant a lot to her, but she had told herself repeatedly that she couldn’t admit to true extent of her feelings - not on a first date. And now she had fucked it up. She had scared Yasha away, and she couldn’t blame her. 

“Beau…” Yasha frowned as she stood up too.

Beau bit her lip, placing the empty wine out of the way. 

“We can still be friends, and no one has to know that…” she was still rambling when Yasha reached out, fingers wrapping around Beau’s wrist to still her.

“Beauregard”

That got her attention. She couldn’t remember a time that Yasha had ever called her by her full name. 

“Huh...what?”

Yasha gently tugged on the human’s slimmer wrist, getting her to turn towards her. 

“I’ve had a really nice time tonight…” the barbarian admitted, eyes searching Beau’s carefully. 

“Yeah me too, I -”

“I would like to see you again. I want to do this again...I want to be yours too -”

“Yes”

“Yes?”

Relief flooded through her and she nodded, smiling brightly as she looked up at the tall barbarian.

“I mean me too...I wanna uh, again. See you. And do this. Again. And to be yours. If you want it?” she stumbled over her words.

Yasha smiled brighter this time and took a step closer. 

“I can’t believe after everything I’ve told you tonight, that you would think I wanted to just go back to being friends…” 

Beau’s heart was pounding in her chest and surely the other woman could hear it? 

She didn’t respond and so Yasha reached up to gently cup Beau’s cheek, her thumb gently tracing the monk’s jaw. “I would like to…” she began, her eyes dropping to Beau’s lips. 

“Yes”

“If it’s okay…” her eyes sought out Beau’s once more. 

“No, it’s. I mean -”

“No?”

“Yes. I mean no, I - fuck…” Beau had been tongue-tied around this woman before but this was something else. 

Yasha’s nose crinkled slightly as she let out a soft laugh and Beau swallowed nervously as the other woman’s thumb gently traced her lower lip. 

“Beau?”

“Yeah?”

“Shut up” she teased softly, and Beau’s stomach flipped at how nice it was to hear this woman carefree and teasing. 

And then it flipped all over again as Yasha’s lips finally met hers in a kiss that literally made her weak at the knees. 

Beau had always imagined that kissing Yasha would be fiery passion and desperation, and the inability to get enough of one another.

This couldn’t have been any further from that. 

Yasha kissed her with complete tenderness and perhaps a slight air of uncertainty. She kissed Beau as if she were the most precious thing in the world, and right now the young monk could be convinced that she was - such was the power of Yasha’s kiss.

“You’re uh - that was...I mean, wow…” Beau stumbled breathlessly when they finally broke away, Yasha’s hand gently resting against the monk’s waist, holding her close. 

“Sorry, I’m not sure if...Are you supposed to kiss on the first date?” Yasha mumbled, averting her gaze from Beau, but not masking the soft blush that had spread across her cheeks, releasing Beau and taking a step back.

“When it’s with the woman you’ve been infatuated with since the moment you laid eyes on her - yeah, I think it’s actually pretty good going to wait this long…” she laughed nervously and reached up to rub the back of her neck.

“You sound like you’re talking from experience…”

“Yeah, something like that...” she smiled brightly and decided to be brave, leaning up to kiss Yasha once more. 

Her movements caught the taller woman off guard and a soft moan escaped her that definitely did things to Beau’s insides as she reached up onto her tiptoes to deepen the kiss, her hands coming to rest on either side of the barbarian’s face. 

“Infatuated?” Yasha asked breathlessly when Beau pulled away and lowered to her normal height. 

“Uh huh” she muttered gently, “Something like that…”

“It’s uh - good. Good word” Yasha nodded. “Useful. Couldn’t quite find the word before…” she admitted, a gentle smile creeping onto the corner of her lips and causing Beau’s heart to flutter. 

The two stood silently, just staring at one another, their breathing heavy and their hearts beating in time for what felt like hours. 

Until Yasha finally broke the silence. 

“I was uh -” she nodded towards the door. “I should…” she didn’t sound so certain and so Beau told herself to be brave and latched onto that.

“Stay…” she whispered, reaching out and tangling her fingers with Yasha’s just as they had in the snow earlier. 

She saw the movement of Yasha’s throat as she swallowed hard, considering Beau’s words. 

“I don’t mean - fuck, I -” she stopped and laughed softly at her unfortunate choice of words. “Well, I _don’t_ mean fuck” she clarified. “I just - we could die any day right now…and we don’t know the next time it’ll be safe for Caleb to cast the tower...” 

Yasha bit her lip, eyes studying Beau and it was clear she agreed that things were unsafe right now.

“And I don’t - fuck, Yasha we’ve wasted - no. Not wasted, sorry. I just mean -” Gods why couldn’t she just get her words out? She could stand in front of a King, or a Queen for that matter, but she couldn’t speak to one of her closest friends whenever the situation alluded to more than friendship between them. 

“I like you, Yasha…” she whispered honestly, and she hoped that the other woman knew just how sincere she was being. “I mean - I _really_ like you” Butterflies fluttered around her stomach at the admission. “And I don’t want to take the time I have with you for granted anymore” her voice was beginning to break and she wanted to run away and hide from it, but Yasha was worth this. “I want to take every single opportunity to make happy memories with you - and with the rest of the Nein - whilst I still can because...well, nothing is certain and I can’t live with any more regrets''

_You make me feel safe too_

Yasha stepped closer and as Beau looked up she could’ve sworn she saw the shimmer of tears in the taller woman’s eyes. 

“Then let’s not waste anymore time, Beau” she whispered as she leant down and caught the monk’s lips in a hard kiss. Beau melted into her once more, hands gently gripping the strong barbarian’s biceps as their lips moved against one another’s so easily that it felt as though they had been doing this for years. 

And this time when they broke apart Yasha didn’t let go of her, instead let her forehead drop to Beau’s as they held each other close.

“Hey on our second date can we have less of the heavy conversation? Instead maybe just do something fun?” Beau whispered. 

“There’s going to be a second date?” Yasha teased. 

“There’s going to be so many dates” Beau insisted, pressing closer to the taller frame. “And one day I might even stop being so nervous about it…”

“I would like that,” Yasha nodded. 

“Dope” Beau replied, grinning widely and causing Yasha to chuckle softly, their warm breath mingling as they kept a hold on one another. “Do you wanna maybe uh -” Beau reluctantly let go of Yasha to gesture back towards the fake sand. “- I dunno, finish this date?”

“It would be a shame to let Caleb’s work go to waste” Yasha nodded and let Beau take her by the hand, leading her back over to the illusionary Nicodranas beach. 

The smaller women sat down, tugging Yasha with her. As their eyes met Beau smiled brightly, confidence finally beginning to pump through her veins as she reached up and shoved Yasha hard enough that she fell back onto the sand. 

The barbarian’s eyebrows rose but she made no move to sit back up, instead watching as Beau shifted to lay down too, shifting onto her side. 

“Will you hold me?” she whispered, a teasing smile tugging at the corner of her lips. 

Yasha smiled, lifting her arm and wrapping it around the smaller frame, pulling Beau into her body. “For you I’ll even waive the five gold charge” she whispered as the monk tucked into her side as if her body had been made exactly for that space.


End file.
